The Narcissist desires you to trust them. Not because they value you. They desire your trust because when they have your trust, you are more easily controlled.

The narcissist manipulates you to gain your trust, and when they know they have it, the position themselves where trust no longer is an issue.

It is not their problem that you feel for their tactics. Now that you two are an 'item' there is no way out for you. The narcissist knows your trust gained means loyalty.

Once they have your loyalty, they are in your life; for life. That's how they want it. Your loyalty and theirs are two different things. Your loyalty means you will stand by them no matter what, it is after all what unconditional love is made out of. For the narcissist, loyalty means, ' I can do whatever I want to you and you will take it.' Loyalty means that you will never speak up or out about their ways of mistreatment of you. To do so means judgment, it is not supportive and once you start this type of behavior; the narcissist bails.

Why? Because they cannot control you. They leave because life is too hot close to the fire. They leave but they come back. Their absence is to get you to miss them and return back to your loyal ways.

They come back to give you a second chance, they come back to try again to see if your loyalty finally sees the light. They need you loyal, but loyalty is always on their terms. Loyalty for the narcissist is all about control.

If they can't control you; they leave.
If they can't control you; they hate you.
If they can't control you; they will will sully your name.

They do this to test your loyalty. Distance does make the heart grow fonder and when they distance themselves from you; they are trying to forget you, knowing that you have not forgotten them.

The distance is to teach you. The narcissist is all about educating you to mold you into the person they NEED you to be.

After the controlled distance had done its job, the narcissist comes back. Knowing that you have learned a lesson; knowing that you can't be without them. They need you to need them.

They need you to come back so they can control you.
The narcissist needs to control you. They need your loyalty as your loyalty is how they control you.

The narcissist mistakes compliance for loyalty.
Don't let yourself make that mistake.

Your compliance allows the narcissist control over you.
Taking them back is a lesson learned that we all do.
Once, twice, thrice, some of us take the narcissist back a handful of times to show them our loyalty. We mistake compliance for loyalty; that is until we begin to control ourselves.

That is when the narcissist loses control over us, for good.
That is when the narcissist loses our loyalty.
That is when the narcissist realizes they have lost control.

If they can't control you; they leave, they hate, the diminish.

Their controlled distance this time around isn't in hopes that your loyalty is made secure; they come back hoping that you will take them back because
they cannot find anyone else to control.

Not like you; you are special. You were special... you couldn't be tamed.
The narcissist comes back looking to you like you are a conquest.
They are so sure you can be controlled, never realizing in your new found security and loyalty to yourself, you've discovered that you held power and control.

You have been the one controlling the narcissist all along. You needed to know yourself in order to recognize it.

They need you. They've always needed you. More than you ever needed them. Without you, the Narcissist cannot survive.

Once they lose your trust, you can never go back. The narcissist needs your trust, without it they cannot manipulate to control.

#narcissism #narcopathy #psychopath #sociopath #NPD #BPD #anxiety #control #toxic